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Jolie de vivre enlivens 'Tomb'

By Susan Wloszczyna, USA TODAY

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

(out of four)

Stars: Angelina Jolie, Jon Voight, Iain Glen, Noah Taylor

Director: Simon West

Distributor: Paramount

Rating: PG-13 foractionviolence, somesensuality



Atfirstglance, it maylook like there is no hanky-panky, virtual orotherwise, in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. Which isstrange, since thepneumatic video-game vixen ispractically the lone womanamong a throng of admiringmales. Buteveryone is too busy huntingartifacts andglobe-trotting to Cambodia or Siberia tojiggle anyone'sjoystick. But the sweatyglow that radiatesfrom Angelina Jolie'slush faceeverytimeshevanquishes an opponent,firesoff a few rounds,revs anengine or engages in a risky stunt (bungee-jump ballet, anyone?) can't bemistaken foranything butsexualsatisfaction.

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Lady Lara mayhave been raised in apinkie-up environment,complete with a fussy Alfred-style manservant andcavernous English manor. But don't let that foolyou. Sure,she'sfond of a rivalraider, butwhatshe trulylusts for isaction. Thegutsygalbeats theguys at their own game, butshe might blow them akiss ascompensation.

Tomboyish and toned, with leather holsterstrapssqueezing her thighs like kinky garters, Jolie nails the physicalrequirements of her heiress (save for those ridiculousfalsies that jut unnaturally likefoamcreatures) andtosses in ademurely posh Britishaccent as an ironic counterpoint.

If only the story thatsurrounds this watchableheroine were aswell-stacked. There's no confusing Croft forcraft. Instead ofbeing Indiana Jones in a D cup or a Jane Bond, Jolie is mired in murkytravelogues and stuck withbarelyfleshed-outfoes. Most of the stabs at humor ― Larawaves at afriend at anauction andaccidentally bids on an item going for millions ― arebarely worth a snicker. The plot is typically byzantine: Lara and a lawyer are in arace tolocate a pair of relics that form atriangle and allow thepossessor to controltime. This task must be done before theplanets align or else theyhave to wait another 5,000 years.

This film,directed by Simon West (Con Air), is like watching a novice (like me) fumble aboutwhile playing a video game. There are quickbursts offranticactivity followed by long, enervating lulls. Thedigitaleffects sometimesimpress, such as the massive stone monkeys that come tolife and aspinninggizmomade ofhuge rotatingspheres. But thelook of the movie is unduly muddy.

Raiderhasmuch (maybe toomuch) incommon with therecent Mummy thrillers. But Lara'sheart belongs to her late daddy, andshe yearns totime-travel and seehim oncemore. It's too darn adorable that Jolie's real-lifepop, Jon Voight, is Lord Croft,especially since the movie isopening on Father's Day weekend. But theirscenes together aren'tespecially moving, sinceemotions are beside thepoint. All I could think of was how, inhis hunting vest and mustache, Voightlooked like an aged version ofhis Deliverancecharacter.

But Jolie clearly ishaving ablast. Justlook at howshe casually leans back andhangs onto those dog-sled reins with one hand. Who else couldmake mushing sosexy?