愚痴です(英文)

What I am doing? Am Iacting just doing some job hunting shit?
I know, it is important. I cannot be independentfrom myparents withouthaving job. And it iswhat I need to do. I do know that. I do really understand that.

But it isdifferentfrom that category of shit.
why do Iregret thedecision Imade years ago.
Why do Ibecome sentimental by seeing thosepictures.
I alreadymade thatdecision. And I know it isnothing I canchange.
and I still think that it is only the rightdecision that i couldmake.

Thepicture that Isaw...I should be happy about it. Someone elsehaveaccomplished the thing I could not do. Why...am I keep thinking of those shits.WHY!
Why I feel the pain? Why do Ihave to suffer for that? I don'thave right to say that. Ifailed it. It is the thing Ihave to keepinside of me. FUCK. I hate myself, I hate the onewho arecoward for losing shits that I alreadylost. Open the fucking eyes!!